


Kids

by tokyojunk



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:52:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokyojunk/pseuds/tokyojunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those damn brats were gonna be the death of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kids

Cid hates restrictions.

Try to restrict Cid from smoking, or drinking, or god forbid cursing, and you'll find yourself with a pole shoved so far up your ass that he has no choice but to give you the one finger salute as you make the perfect flag.

So when he learns he has to cut back on all three of his favorite past times, Cid curses up a storm, snatches a bottle of rum from his secret liquor cabinet, and goes outside for a smoke.

Goddamn kids.

They're the main reason why Cid has to become all _parental_.

It doesn't help that they weren't his to begin with. Why does he have to raise someone else's kids anyway?

He can't even pick a favorite, because in all honesty, they all suck.

He has to deal with Mr. Teenage Angst over there, brooding in the corner over a past he can't change. Cid thinks the name change is a little much. Leon Leonhart? Give him a break. Cid's been to war, Cid's killed a man, Cid knows a guy, that knows a guy, whose uncle lost his arm in a chemical Mako explosion. Sure, the man is clinically insane and probably radiating cancer, but he still got his other arm and he's doing just fine. Leon doesn't know how good he has it. He still has _both_ his arms. Leon also has his youth. So Cid doesn't understand why the brat doesn't take advantage of that. Instead of putting himself down for not being strong enough to protect what he's lost, Leon should just try to protect what he's got now.

Then there's Mr. I Can't Let Shit Go. Cid thinks that Cloud, like Leon, should grow the hell up before he breaks out the belt. Whoever said that you shouldn't beat your kids has obviously never had to deal with the emotional mental case that is Cloud Strife. Although Cid thinks Spike is a good kid—very helpful when things need to get done and extremely shy when he's around Aerith—he feels this whole internal conflict of light versus darkness is getting a little old. So what if you lost your light and the darkness inside of you manifests itself in the form of a maniac wielding a sword as long as his hair? Can't find the light? It's called church. You go to it. Can't fight the darkness? Let it go, it's not a fight worth losing your sanity over. Unlike Cloud, Cid's seen a man turn into a heartless. He's seen the man's skin rip, exposing dark whips of smoke as his new form violently thrashed its way forth. He tells Cloud that you can't fight something that's already a part of yourself, that he should count his lucky stars he's not turning into a heartless. Cid thinks the kid is strong enough to let the battle go. He should be willing to accept his flaws. Cid just wishes Cloud would realize the same.

Then there's little Miss Do-Gooder. She's the main reason why he's suffering all those night chills from his nicotine withdrawal. She nags him about his cigs, his secret liquor cabinet being not so secret, and his language. Aerith says she wants him to live a long and healthy life. Cid says he ain't dying as some pussy thousand-year-old man in diapers. If he was gonna die, it was gonna be through his badass life style. A combination of lung disease and liver failure was the way to go. He knows she means well when she flushes his cigarettes down the toilet. But Cid is a grown man. He can take care of himself just fine. What she needs to do is try to fix Cloud and Leon. Though helping two grown men get through the painful stage of adolescence might be asking too much of her. Cid figures he might as well help her. Although she gets on his nerves by locking his secret liquor cabinet, she makes one mean gooseberry pie.

Finally, he has little Miss Keep Your Hands to Yourself touching his things and stealing what ever she thinks he won't notice. She thinks an old man of thirty-two (since when has thirty-two become the new fifty?) won't notice the faint smell of alcohol on her breath or the slight blush on her cheeks. He lets her get away with it though, much to Aerith's chagrin. Cid figures that if you deny someone something, then they're gonna want it even more. So giving Yuffie alcohol now, saves her from becoming a recovering alcoholic in the future ( or leads her straight to it. Cid doesn't know or care). He doesn't know what he's going to do about her compulsive stealing. The brat can con the pants off a pantless duck, and that's saying a lot.

Despite these little youth suckers ruining his life, Cid understands that he needs them as much as they need him. He's learned a lot about computers from Leon and he enjoys the look of fear on Cloud's face when he yells at him to enjoy his goddamn tea. He's learned he can run up the stairs now without shortness in breath thanks to Aerith weaning him off his cigs, and he enjoys his booze just fine when Yuffie picks the lock on his liquor cabinet for him.

Life with them can prove to be a bit difficult, what with dealing with the brooding, the angst, the nagging, and the stealing and all, but life just wouldn't do without them.

"Oops," Yuffie says, after spilling some juice over the computer keyboard.

Cid sends her a glare and chews on his toothpick to keep himself calm.

Those damned brats were gonna be the death him, and he was just fine with that.


End file.
